His Truth, Her Truth, The Real (?) Truth

His Truth, Her Truth, The Real (?) Truth

 

The end of a marital relationship is a significant life transition.

Photo of a sunrise behind a road sign that says "Truth"

 

When I am meeting with a couple, either in mediation, or in a collaborative divorce, I describe this transition as the intersection

of the “road that got you here” and the “road of the future”.


“I ask my clients to allow the other spouse to be the sole owner of “their truth.” – David Louis


 

 

In looking at the past, the present, or even the future, two spouses often have a different picture of:

ovals graphic

 

This “picture” reflects “the truth” of that person.

In our inefficient and costly legal system, much effort goes into the process of persuading a decision maker (usually a judge) that the picture of the truth held by one spouse is the “real” truth. In my opinion, this is a difficult if not impossible task (putting a square peg into a round hole comes to mind). Is there a camera that recorded every second of these lives, and can interpret the thoughts of the participants? I think not.

As a mediator or collaborative practice facilitator, I ask my clients to allow the other spouse to be the sole owner of “their truth”. Most importantly, I ask permission to enforce a simple rule – that one spouse not attempt to speak for the other. As much as we may think that we know our partner (even as we are ending a marriage), it’s an important boundary to give that partner a safe space of their own where they can speak freely for themselves.

When we allow each other to speak “their truth” we in turn can listen and we may even find that “our truth” may change – not through persuasion, but through understanding. This is a key step in moving towards mutually acceptable outcomes that help us to embrace the opportunities of our futures.

 

 

Click to Contact David to Schedule a Conversation


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David Louis is the Founder of Upstate Divorce Mediation


To Schedule a FREE Consultation,
Call DAVID at +1 (518) 225-2730
or Email at david@upstatedivorcemediation.com


Offices in Albany, Catskill and Saratoga Springs, NY
Website: www.upstatedivorcemediation.com

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Divorce Mediator David Louis, Co-Founder and President of Upstate Divorce Mediation, provides family and divorce mediation services to the following counties and towns in Upstate New York - COLUMBIA COUNTY New York - Ancram NY 12502, Ancramdale NY 12503, Austerlitz NY 12017, Canaan NY 12029, Chatham NY 12037, Chatham Center NY 12184, Claverack NY 12513, Clermont NY 12526, Columbiaville NY 12050, Copake  NY 12516, Copake Falls NY 12517, Craryville NY 12521, East Chatham NY 12060, Elizaville NY 12523, Germantown NY 12526, Ghent NY 12075, Glenco Mills NY 12541, Greenport NY 12534, Hillsdale NY 12529, Hollowville NY 12530, Hudson NY 12534, Kinderhook NY 12106, Livingston NY 12541, Malden Bridge NY 12115, Martindale NY 12513, Mellenville NY 12544, New Lebanon NY 12125, Niverville NY 12130, North Chatham NY 12132, Old Chatham NY 12136, Philmont NY 12565, Spencertown NY 12165, Red Rock NY 12060, Stockport NY 12534, Stottville NY 12172, Stuyvesant NY 12173, Stuyvesant Falls NY 12174, Valatie NY 12184, West Copake NY 12953, West Taghkanic NY 12502.

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Divorce Mediator David Louis, Co-Founder and President of Upstate Divorce Mediation, provides family and divorce mediation services to the following counties and towns in Upstate New York - SCHENECTADY COUNTY New York - Alplaus NY 12008, Delanson NY 12053, Duanesburg NY 12056, Glenville NY 12302, Niskayuna NY 12309, Pattersonville NY 12137, Quaker Street NY 12141, Rotterdam NY 12306, Rotterdam Junction NY 12150, Schenectady NY 12301, 12303, 12304, 12305, 12306, 12308, Scotia NY 12302.

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